Seek First To Understand, Then Be Understood.

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Habit 5 -- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Principles of Empathic Communication
Character and Communication

Communication is the most important skill in life
If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me, you first need to understand me.
You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness and trust.

Empathic Listening
Most people listen with the intent to reply.
When another person speaks, we are usually 'listening' at one of four levels:

• ignoring  
• pretending  
• selective listening  
• attentive listening

 Very few of us ever practice the highest form of listening -- empathic listening.

 Only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say, another 30 percent by our sounds, and 60 percent by body language.  

Empathic listening is risky.

Diagnose Before You Prescribe

Diagnose before you prescribe is a correct principle in many areas of life.
It is the mark of all true professionals
The amateur salesman sells products, the professional salesman sells solutions to needs and problems.

Four Autobiographical Responses
Because we listen autobiographically (from the perspective of our own paradigms), we tend to respond in one of four ways:

• We evaluate  
• We probe  
• We advise 
• We interpret 

The language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion.
As long as responses are logical, we are at liberty to ask questions and give counsel. The moment responses become emotional, empathic listening is necessary.

Empathic listening involves four developmental stages:

•  mimic content  
• ephrase the content 
• reflect feeling  
• rephrase the content and reflect the feeling 

Empathic listening enables us to turn transactional opportunities into transformational opportunities. 
The key to empathic listening is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening.

Understanding and Perception

As you learn to listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in perception.
Habit 5 is the first step in the process of Win/Win. 
Then Seek to Be Understood
Knowing how to be understood is the other half of Habit 5 and is crucial in reaching Win/Win solutions. 
The essence of making effective presentations: 
Ethos -- your personal credibility. 
Pathos -- the empathic side.
Logos -- the logic. 
When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and in the context of the paradigms of your audience, you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

One on One
Habit 5 is right in the middle of your circle of influence. You can always seek first to understand. 
Spend time with your spouse and children, one on one.